Repetition is a way to manage time, to parcel time. I divided my time rigorously into manageable increments which grew smaller and smaller over time: the nocturnal wanderings, the swimming at night in the blue-nocturne, chocolate-covered Pim’s with raspberry filling while watching French television [anesthetized and lonely, a star-occluding white], wine.
This aether seeps into whatever soul, or vacuum, exists within you. I suspect depression is an evolutionary adaptation. When suffering becomes overwhelming, the anesthetized subject is immobilized, and thus prevented from destroying itself.
Reilly, Rebecca. Repetition. New York: Four Way Books, 2015.