A marriage, a chimp, and a lost phone

I don’t remember who was getting married, or why, when, or where, but I do vaguely remember the chimp. No one had told me what the purpose of the chimp was but they had wanted it so there it was, in the church, a member of the congregation. The chimp was unsettling to me, being more human-like than normal. Her big black eyes bore holes through my skull every time she looked at me. But what was I going to do? It was their wedding and I would just have to put up with it.

To be honest I am not even sure why they invited me to their wedding. The bride’s parents were not particularly fond of me although they maintained a polite demeanor. As I slipped in, late of course, and sought a seat on the empty left side of the church the bride’s father turned to me sharply and motioned for me to sit on the right side.

“That side is for the guests”, he explained. What guests? I thought to myself. Were we not guests? I got the notion from him that the true guests would be the random visitors passing through for the spectacle. Inevitably the left side remained empty for most of the wedding and aside from drawing some attention to myself for making noise the wedding was nondescript.

It was after the wedding, when my friends and I were making our way down the streets, that I suddenly realized I no longer had my phone. I had a phone on me but when I had pulled it out of my pocket I saw that it how somehow been swapped. My first thought was that the two boys we had sprinted from, specifically out of fear that they were going to try and steal our phones, had somehow managed to sneak a hand in my pocket and switched it. I felt a wave of anxiety begin to work its way over me as I considered all I had lost along with that phone. I wanted it back, I needed it back, and my friends did not seem to care.

Of course, those two boys might not have stolen my phone. Perhaps I had dropped it on leaving the church, or I could have accidentally picked up the wrong phone. I began retracing my steps in the hopes of finding it lying on the sidewalk and while I did manage to find two others that looked similar to mine, I had no luck.

When I finally arrived at the church again the doors had been shut and the lights turned out. The wedding was now over and the church, once relatively lively, seemed barren and sad. I peered in through the small door window and looked at the pitch black of the church’s interior. I guess I was not going to get my phone. As I began to leave I heard a soft murmur emanate from the back of the church. I peered in through the small window again and saw a small figure slowly appear from the blackness behind it. It was the chimp, her massive black eyes looking up at me beggingly. I felt that great unease again, and as she got closer to the door her short stature disappeared underneath the sill of the little window. I had had enough and turning around I left without another thought.

4 responses

    • “Darwin’s theory” or simply the “theory”, not “the darwinism theory”. Why mention it on this posting anyway, mister/missus porn person? I think there are several other short stories that would be more indicative of what you state.

  1. Your mental. The third Reich never invaded Australia or planned to. We’re blonde haired and blue eyed anyway. They would have loved us.? WE’d be drinking buddies. The 2 best beer countries on the planet

    • Alright, I am only removing this from spam because I think it is gloriously confusing and random. This obviously has nothing to do with the previous two posts aside from its level of indignation. I am going to guess that the comment is an automated response used to further promote your cheap sex site.

      As far as Third Reich and Nazism goes, I trace my ancestry to peasant Jewish Ukrainians and Belorussians, so I highly doubt Hitler would have tolerated me. My cat is mental. And she’s black with yellow eyes.

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For the Intermittent Writer


Short books about albums. Published by Bloomsbury.

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