From the vintner:

Nothing. There is nothing on the label.

The (only available) truth:

This sumptuous, splendid, magnificent, heavenly, delightful wine came courtesy of NakedWines.com. For just $40 a month, you can buy discounted wines to your heart’s content. And rest assured, all of their discounted wines are sublime. (Please note: NakedWines.com has no idea I’m writing this.)

Despite this wine not being available on store shelves (presumably), I suppose it’s only fair to give it its due. Therefore, let’s discuss the label: I could have made a more interesting label. On to the next point.

The tongue is watery, which under normal circumstances would be unacceptable. But if we consider how ancient Greeks, recognizing the debilitating effects of full-strength alcohol, would routinely water down their wine in order to prolong their scholarly and intellectual discussions, then perhaps we will come to appreciate this current wine for what it is.

(As a side note, contrast this ancient practice with the modern practice of watering down alcoholic drinks to maximize profits. This practice of diluting an alcoholic beverage seems paradoxical considering that modern establishments are designed specifically for avoiding intellectual stimulation. One would therefore believe that such an establishment would shun dilution of alcoholic beverages, as doing so would promote critical thinking and discussion.)

The wine’s consistency is watery. Oh, who am I kidding. This isn’t wine; this is water.

Out of a score of “Will Buy Again” (WBA) or “Won’t Buy Again” (WBA), this wine definitely earns a WBA.

Yours,